They say that all good things must come to an end. I have had the complete joy and pleasure of having the job of being Jack's mom since he was born. No, it was not the way that we had planned things, but I would not have traded it for the world. Some of this time was pretty rough, 3 1/2 months were spent in the NICU, then home health visits, countless trips to the doctor in Peoria, in home therapy appointments, sleepless nights, anxiety, worry, ect. However, I try to focus on the smiles, time we have had in the sunshine, mornings in our jammies playing with toys, naps on the couch, and many firsts and milestones. I truely am devestated that I really do have to go back to work. I have nievely been playing the lotto here and ther hoping, praying for a miracle that I would be able to stay home with you and just be your mom, but that is not the case. And for the days that you miss me, I am sorry, but I am working because I love you!
This is the second full week of school and you are doing amazing well at daycare. You do not cry, you nap wonderfully and eat all of your breakfast, snack and bottles. You are a pleasure to be around and are getting along very well with the other little baby and I can tell you are learning so much from her. Your sitter cares about you so very much and keeps you very busy and active throughout the day. She gives you fresh air, sunshine, new experiences and a whole lot of lovin! I feel 100% comfortable with you there, but can not get over that fact that I want to be the one taking you for morning walks and blowing bubbles in the front yard. I desperately want to be with you during the day and it is killing me that I can't be. I have had a pretty rough adjustment period filled with lots of tears. I thought the tears were over, but today Jack whined/cried a little when I left and I cried the whole way to school.
So, I am just trudging along and am going to make the best of this situation that has been put in front of me. I am so very thankful that I have a job. I work for a wonderul school district filled with the most amazing and supportitive co-workers. I guess I just need to get into a groove, into a routine. I am finding evenings dificult and everything seems to be so rushed.
I would also like to not think of this as the end, but as a new chapter. After all, I am no where close to being done at the job of being a mom. Things are just different now. I can't wait for the upcoming three day weekend and am especially looking forward to our more extended holidays. This is a big adjustment for the both of us, and it's just going to take some time to figure everything out.
Well off to bed for that early morning, after I pack breakfast and lunch!
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