One proud papa the night you were born and your little corner of the NICU.
Daddy was a little nervous...can you tell? And you were so tiny!
Jack was born late Saturday afternoon...they told me they couldn't even think about discharging me until I could walk around. So Sunday evening I got up and walked the halls. I packed my bags Monday morning myself, ate lunch, got my last dose of pain meds and my husband and I were off to Peoria to be together as a family. I was overcome with anticipation, joy and excitement. As we got closer my heart started to beat faster and tears of joy filled my eyes. I could not contain myself and thought I was going to jump out of my skin!
It took forever to finally reach the NICU, neonatal intensive care unit, I still couldn't run in to meet my baby...I had to sign some papers and do the infamous "2 minute scrub", something I eventually became very familiar with. Finally, I very slowly walked through the maze of isolettes, ventilators and tiny little cribs to see my perfect little baby tucked in a corner, nice and warm in his own little isolette. The nurse came over to tell me what everything was and how our son was doing. But still, I just wanted to hold my baby. Finally, the nurse took him out of his little isolette, wrapped him in warm blankets and placed him in my arms. I could not take my eyes off of him for one second, I had only been able to dream of this moment. We made his little corner nice and dark and he opened his eyes and looked up at me while wrinkling his little forehead. He looked like a sweet little old man that already held all of the wisdom to the world. All of the pain was gone and I wanted to stay in this moment forever, just the three of us.
Together again, after three days, just the three of us!
This is the image I can't get out of my head when I think about the first time we met.
You still give this look today!
Jack was hooked up to monitors and had a few IV's running. He was no longer on any oxygen and was being given fluids and antibiotics just for precautions. He had an NG tube that went into his nose or mouth to his tummy so that he could be given milk. Jack was born at almost 32 weeks and babies do not develop their suck reflex until about 36 weeks. He was given the opportunity to eat by mouth, but it really wore him out, so the remainder of his feedings were fed to him through his NG tube by gravity. The doctors told us that our baby just had to learn to eat and then he could go home. Their estimation on our stay in the NICU was about two-three weeks, which seemed like an eternity when we thought about it.
You in your little isolette and me figuring things out.
Your little arm all wrapped up so you didn't pull your IV's out.
The rest of the week is pretty hazy to me, but here is what I do remember...
- Traveling a lot back and forth from Ottawa to Peoria and spending nights in cheap hotels with not nearly enough pillows to keep me comfortable post op.
- Crying a whole lot...partially because I was missing my baby, partially just because.
- Having my first beer post-partum outside with the neighbors! It was fantastic!
- Having a very active little baby that liked to be swaddled with his arms out.
- The glow of the Billy lights from the other babies.
- The alarms from all of the monitors and baby life saving equipment and just the other noises of the NICU in general. Little did I know, but I would later learn what every alarm meant.
- Thinking my baby was so big compared to all the other babies, and really he was! Most other babies born around his gestation were closer to three pounds!
- Trying not to look at the other babies...some were so sick and tiny, we were so grateful...
- Learning the ropes of the NICU, some parents had been there so long with their little ones.
- Meeting wonderful, wonderful nurses and other mom's.
- Fighting through the pain so I could see my baby and hold him.
- The pumping room and pumping...and being very proud of my first milk!
- Jack getting a lot of attention for his red hair!
- Learning what "rounds" were.
- Meeting the feeding therapist and learning the tricks to make my baby eat orally.
- Discussing the possibility of transferring our baby back to Ottawa to learn to eat because he was doing so well!
- Being nervous about not having a nursery ready or any baby "stuff" in the house!
- Doctors and nurses talking about the "new unit" opening in August and us being so grateful that we would not have to see that, but feeling fortunate that it was so close to us.
- Jack controlling his own body heat and being moved out of the isolette to an open air crib!
- Moving from room one, where babies are admitted and critical babies are kept, to room three, where babies that were much less critical were.
- "Two minute scrubs" being the longest two minutes in the world!
- Hospital food...need I say more?
- Making Matt wheel me everywhere because I was in SO much pain!
- Being uncomfortable and hungry while I was holding Jack, but dealing with it because I did not want to "put him away".
- Asking the nurses if I could hold my own baby and then asking for help to but him back.
- Finding the best chairs to sit in to keep my baby company...they were office chairs.
- Seeing Jack finally in clothes!
A precious picture that shows just how tiny you were compared to daddy's hand!
I remember that week being very happy and joyful and stressful at the same time. There were lots of phone calls to spread the good news. We had never been happier! I remember just wanting to be with my little perfect Jack with those big eyes, wrinkled forehead and round head every second of every day. After all, I did a lot of waiting for this little man! Little did we know, but our stay in the NICU would be much, much longer that our doctors predicted. Our world was going to soon come crashing down all round us and our dreams would turn to nightmares...and there would be nothing we could do about it but wait...
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